A Dae With Daehyun

Christina held the laminated concert badge in her hand, which read "B.A.P all-access VIP pass" along with a few pictures of the members of B.A.P on the front. Yongguk, Himchan, Youngjae, Jongup, Zelo, they were all there, in strange yet seductive poses, or at least seductive to Christina. She still couldn't believe that she won the pass in a boxing contest, pulling off a come-from-behind victory in the 32nd round against a seven-foot tall, steroid abusing, sexually frustrated lady that went by the name of "Shalilian."

How did she win the badge? Because of her sheer strength? No, she was actually quite weak. Determination? Almost.

Love. She won because of her love for B.A.P, unmatched by any other. As she held on to the badge attached to the black B.A.P lanyard wrapped around her neck, she glanced at all the members posing on her badge, but really only looked at one person.

Daehyun. She loved Daehyun.

She made her way to the seats closest to the stage. Hardly seats at all, but rather, a flat, chairless area. Standing room only, the ticket read, but given that B.A.P was performing, people wouldn't be standing. They would be dancing, swinging their arms around, and sooner or later, a fight would probably break out.

The concert was just about to start and quite a number of people had already filled the area closest to the stage, talking amongst themselves. Luckily, since Christina had an all-access VIP pass, she was given a taser as well, complements of TS Entertainment. She entered the standing-room only area and used the taser on the girl closest to the entrance, who dropped to the ground in an epileptic mess. The girls around Christina noticed and screamed in shock as she tased another girl, who died from the sheer amplitude of the electricity.

The girls around Christina were just about ready to murder her, but then she held up her all-access VIP pass, which justified any and all actions taken by her. As if they had just seen the face of god, they stared in awe at the pass and made a path for Christina right to the front of the stage, so close that she could reach out and touch the smooth, glossy stage floor.

The girls around her went back to conversing and the two tased girls were collected by concert staff and dumped into an incinerator



Finally, the concert started. The spotlights on the stage lit up and shot beams of light straight up into the clouds. Smoke pumped into the stage and seeped into the crowd of girls who cheered and screamed. Christina's heart raced as six silhouettes emerged from behind the smoke curtain. The girls' squeals of amusement filled the air. A few died from sheer excitement.

The six stepped forward and...

They weren't B.A.P. They were a group of five teenagers. Two males, three females, and a microphone stand that looked like a sixth person, which the group called "Modder". They went by the name "Koala Krew" and were opening for B.A.P.

The smoke cleared and the awkward male lead singer stepped up to the mic. He was greeted with disapproving boo's, which filled the air just as loud as the screams that occupied it literally seconds ago. The boo's were so loud that Koala Krew couldn't even be heard through the speakers, and they had to be escorted out by staff, but not before a water bottle from the crowd hit the lead singer in the back of the head, making him faint.

Again, smoke filled the stage, pillars of light shot up and at last, B.A.P danced out of the shadows and into the spotlight, singing their hit new single, "한국어." Christina screamed and threw her stubby arms in the air.

And then, she saw him. Daehyun, in all his glory. She quivered just at the sight of him.

"God," she thought as they sang, "I'd burn him up all day long."

Daehyun turned his back on the crowd and did an awkward booty shake, which drove Christina crazy.

"Heavenly Jesus, I'd 연애 his 비밀!" She thought again. Fantasies of her and Daehyun ran through her mind as she subconsciously danced to the beat of the music. Somehow, her thoughts drifted to the word document in her computer, which held all sorts of nasty fantasies.

The girls screamed all around her. Not out of excitement for B.A.P, but in surprise, as Daehyun slipped on a water bottle and fell off the stage. For all intents and purposes, he should have died, but luckily, Christina the haystack cushioned his fall.

The concert music stopped briefly as the girls started crowding around Christina and Daehyun. Daehyun slowly helped up the girl that he landed on.

"You okay?" He asked her as she stood up. She looked at Daehyun and he gasped.

"Yeah... I'm... I'm fine," Christina blushed, red as a bloody horse carcass. She stuttered, half because she didn't know what to say, half because she wanted to extend the length of the interaction between her and Daehyun.

Daehyun gazed into her eyes and held her hands in his even though she was already standing up and perfectly fine. He gave Christina a brief hug as the girls around her screamed and rubbed Daehyun's hair.

At this point, Christina was sweating like a mighty ox from excitement. She wished this moment could last forever, but of course, it wouldn't. As Daehyun relinquished his embrace, Christina panicked and in the heat of the moment, kissed Daehyun on the cheek. A shocked look appeared on Daehyun's face, softly rubbing the spot on his cheek that Christina kissed. Shocked, but not angry, as he continued to look at Christina's face which was currently being beaten to a pulp by the jealous girls around her. She didn't flinch, not even to the strongest punch to her face. She gazed at Daehyun and he gazed back, their eyes locked.

At last, Himchan helped Daehyun back on stage and the concert continued. Christina tased her assailants and once more, the staff collected the bodies.



Throughout the concert, Christina noticed that Daehyun glanced toward her frequently as he danced awkward dance moves that looked like they were straight out of Just Dance. The Wii version. She could feel the connection between her and Daehyun. Or maybe those were the punches dealt to her face by the horde of angry girls around her. It could have been either.

After six hours or dancing and lip syncing, the concert was over, with only a 72% fatality rate. Not bad, compared to Kcon 2012.

Christina prepared to greet B.A.P with her backstage pass. Drenched in sweat that probably wasn't all hers, she was by no means appealing to look at. Realizing this, she quickly tased a girl that sat during the entire concert and stole her clothes.

She still wasn't too appealing to look at, but it'd have to do. Beggars can't be choosers, although in hindsight, she should have picked a bigger girl to tase. She could barely fit into the medium-sized shirt and shorts and was quite uncomfortable since she was long accustomed to wearing XXL clothes.

Christina went back stage and there were the members of B.A.P greeting her. Yongguk and Youngjae both shook Christina's hand, not bothering to look at her and instead updated their Twitter accounts on their iPhones. Jongup and Zelo hugged her. Himchan hugged her too, but she swore that he touched her buns, so she slapped him across the face.

And finally, there was Daehyun. They hugged for a full thirty seconds as Daehyun whispered in her ear,

"Want to go on date?" His English was atrocious. Nevertheless, Christina went crazy and jumped up in excitement, half laughing, half crying tears of joy.

Her hopping managed to put a hole into the stage. Daehyun generously decided to pay for the cost of repairing it.



Buca di Beppo. Apparently, this was the most romantic thing Daehyun had in mind when he asked Christina out on a date. Christina was not impressed. But free food was free. So she gorged herself.

While shoving platefuls of lasagna down her throat, she listened to Daehyun's conversations. He revealed everything to her. His first words, his fear of amusement park rides, the fact that he still sleeps with a teddy bear. He told her everything, and after two hours of conversation and food hoarding, they both left the restaurant with each other's phone numbers. Christina left 15 pounds heavier. Partly from the food she ate, partly from the alfredo she smuggled in her pockets.

Daehyun smiled from a successful date as he entered his limousine, waiting for him outside of Buca di Beppo, almost invisible in the darkness. There, his smile was wiped clean off by Manager Kang.

"What do you think you're doing?" He asked as Daehyun stepped onto the car.

"What?"

"Why were you with that..." he turned to the right and looked at Christina skipping away into her parents' car.

"That what?"

"That... land whale." Daehyun gasped and jumped back at what Manager Kang said.

"What you say?!" He screamed.

"She's too unsightly to be your girlfriend, PR would never allow it! Think about the B.A.P image, they'd be ruined!"

"But..." Daehyun started, looking to Christina in the distance, who was eating alfredo out of her pockets. "She beautiful..." he paused, "In my eyes." He pointed to his eyes, then immediately started sobbing.

"Why couldn't you pick someone hotter? Like Hyosung or Sooyoung... or Shalilian."

"From..." Daehyun sniffled, "From... the State Farm?" Manager Kang slapped him across the face. Daehyun collapsed and cried into his palms again. The distant slurping noise of Christina sloppily eating alfredo seeped through the limousine walls. The sound of it disgusted Manager Kang.

"Listen to me, Daehyun. Listen carefully." Daehyun looked up. "You can't date her. You would lose all 450 hundred thousand of your followers on Twitter? Do you want that?"

"But... but Daehyun love Christina!" In times of enormous emotional turmoil, Daehyun tended to speak in the third person.

"If you date her, you're out of the band. It's Christina or B.A.P. You choose."

Daehyun sobbed some more. Manager Kang exited the limousine so that Daehyun could think out the decision.

"DAEHYUN SAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!" He screamed. But he had decided.

He stepped out of the car and approached Christina, who was drenched in white alfredo sauce. Even the smartest minds of the scientific community are unable to figure out how Christina shoved so much alfredo in her pockets.

She looked up at Daehyun's eyes and he looked down at hers. She dropped the handful of alfredo that she was about to stab down her esophagus.

"Christina... Daehyun have... tell you something."

"What is it?" She replied, trying to do her best impression of a distressed female protagonist in a Korean drama.

"Daehyun..." Tears escaped Daehyun's eyes. "Daehyun no can date you!" He sobbed.

Christina sobbed instantly, even though she wasn't really sad. Really, she was confused by the entire ordeal, but she had already started acting like her life was a K-drama. Go in, go deep, right?

Then, she realized that people in K-dramas spoke Korean. So she had to speak Korean too.

"But... but why?" She said. Or at least, the subtitles read. She had actually said "내가 게이 강아지를 죽일"

"Because... you too ugly!" Daehyun screamed as he slapped a handful of alfredo out of Christina's hand. Christina sobbed, face and arms plastered in alfredo sauce as Daehyun ran to his limo and drove away.

"I HATE YOU, DAEHYUN!" She screamed in Korean. Really, she said "큰 공 가방 씨발!"

And she cried, sitting in the backseat of her parents' car, illuminated only by the single streetlight above her. Around her, an empty parking lot colored black, like the starless night sky that surrounded her. The happy stars obscured from view by the dark, dark clouds that loomed overhead. An asphalt plane around her. Spotless, save for the white lines painted on the ground and the colored lights sprayed on the ground by the nearby Buca di Beppo's neon sign. Somewhere in this abyssal sea were tire tracks left behind by Daehyun's limousine.

Christina stood up and wiped the tears and sadness from her face. She took a bite of alfredo from her pockets. She took out her taser.

And she followed the tire tracks, letting her all-access VIP pass fall to the ground.

The all-access VIP pass had a few pictures of the members of B.A.P on the front. Yongguk, Himchan, Youngjae, Jongup, Zelo, they were all there.

But Daehyun? His face was scratched out with marker.





Author's Note: Christina, I'm kidding in the parts where I make fun of you, please don't be abusive towards me.

Anyway, really liked writing this one. I am absolutely unaware of all things Korean, so I had to do a bit of research when Christina asked me to write a fanfic of her and Daehyun. Actually read a bunch of Tweets and Tumblr posts from the members of B.A.P and researched their manager. Research wasn't as intense as I've done on other stories, like Cloudburn or Descent.

It was pretty fun writing the cheesiest, stupidest thing possible and by that I mean writing the K-drama ending. I have absolutely no idea how K-dramas are like, but if it's anything like the Filipino soaps that my mother watches, then I feel sorry for Koreans. That ending was based on times when I'd walk into my kitchen to get a snack and see a bunch of people yelling and a girl crying on TV in crappy, choppy slow motion.

Which was pretty much every day.